Unrepentant
by Arminia
Summary: Spencer felt like he was drowning in emotions. Memories of 4 years ago continued to haunt him in different ways. But there was one thing he didn't feel, regret. No matter how he felt about it. OOC Spencer.


**A/N: Oh god I must be a terrible person for writing this LOL but it was an idea that has been stuck in my head for a while sooo ..**

 **Sorry if it's rushed (or lame)!**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing but OC's**

The sound of a book slamming shut practically seemed to echo through the apartment followed by a groan of frustration.

For all the reading he did, Spencer wondered if it _was_ possible to drown just by your emotions alone. Sure it could _seem_ like it, but it wasn't scientifically possible. Though Spencer was starting to doubt that fact.

He had been feeling so many things at once even when the event that started it all happened 4 years ago. None of it had gone away.

Guilty for not telling the team. Shame and disgust for _liking it_. Terrified of someone finding out the truth. Anxiety at the possibility of her being out there somewhere, holding his darkest secret in the palm of her hand. Waiting for the day when she would suddenly appear and reveal what he had been lying to his team about for 4 years. Spencer could imagine their reactions now. Anger at him for keeping it a secret for so long. Revulsion from finding out not only had he enjoyed it, but how he wanted _more_. That he wanted _her_ again.

He would no longer be _Spencer Reid_ to them again. He'd be no better than the Unsub's they chase.

Maybe it was his paranoia, but sometimes he felt like they were giving him looks. Ones that said 'we know you didn't tell us everything'.

It was all slowly drowning him but it certainly didn't stop the memories. Some days the memories would leave him with a feeling of disgust, shame, guilt, sadness, serenity, or confusion. But the worst, was when the memories left him practically _panting_ with _want_ like some teenager. Then eventually the anger at himself would set in.

 _Spencer let out a huff when he was finally aware and awake enough to take in his surroundings. He was in what looked like a regular basement bedroom with a bathroom off to the side. It honestly wasn't a bad room at all, until he tried lifting his arms past his upper torso and he felt the pull of the chains keeping him stuck on the bed. At least he was able to move and lift his arms with_ some _freedom._

 _He quickly had a wandering thought of Morgan finally going through with his threat of getting him chipped with a gps if he ever got kidnapped again._

 _A weird feeling settled in his stomach when he realized he wasn't feeling scared about being here._

 _His head shot up towards the door as a blonde woman no older then him walked in the room, a smile on her face that gave him chills but at the same time seemed_ genuine _. Spencer thought it was a weird combination._

" _Hello, Spencer."_

He let out another groan as he tried hard to focus on the book in front of him but the memories of the woman who introduced herself as Hannah filled his mind. She had sat in a chair beside the bed and told him why he was there. Hannah smiling at him the whole time as she told him she had been keeping an eye on him as a candidate. She told him how she was dying and with her limited time _needed_ to find someone for her daughter. Spencer had tried talking to her with the tactics and things he had learned over the years working in the BAU but she never wavered.

 _After what seemed like forever of Hannah talking to him, a young blonde girl entered the room looking so much like a younger version of the woman sitting beside him._

" _Spencer, this is my 16 year old daughter Grace."_

 _Spencer felt himself choke on nothing but air._

" _I'm 32!" He somehow choked out. Hannah had_ picked _him for her_ 16 year old _daughter. Not only was she years younger then him but along with his kidnapping, what Hannah expected from him was completely and utterly_ illegal _._

" _Age is just a number, Spencer. You're the perfect man for my Grace."_

 _Spencer tried not to stare at the girl who was taking small steps towards him. She looked so_ innocent _that it made his stomach twist._

" _You don't look 32." Grace finally said, her voice practically sounding like bells as she bit her lip and tilted her head to the side as she studied him._

 _A frown formed on his lips. He knew he looked younger than his age, people told him constantly but this time the words felt wrong._

" _I'll leave you two alone to talk." Hannah said with an almost giggle as she stood up._

 _Grace moved to sit at the edge of the bed once her mom shut the door behind her._

 _Spencer felt himself tense as she ran her hand up his leg slowly._

" _Everything is gonna be okay." She told him with a smile full of innocence. He swallowed roughly looking at her smile._

 _Grace moved so she was leaning close to him. Her lips touched his for the briefest moment._

" _Nothing will happen tonight." She whispered against his lips._

Spencer gulped and squeezed his eyes shut tightly for a moment. If he focused enough he could still feel the slight pressure of her lips against his own.

 _The next night Grace had kissed him again but this time he had snapped out of it and with the movement of his arms that he had, he pushed her away._

" _This is wrong! You're only 16, I could go to jail for this!" His voice sounding more high pitched and panicked then usual._

" _Mom told you what I want." Grace stated. Spencer gulped when he recalled Hannah telling him so easily about Grace wanting to give him her virginity._

 _He had found himself having a panic attack for more than one reason. It was illegal, Grace was years younger then him, he was expected to have sex with one of his kidnappers. But the one that caused his panic attack the most was that small spark of_ want _that ran through him at the thought. He obviously was a disgusting human being._

" _It's wrong." Spencer said, his voice sounding hoarse._

" _Shhh." Grace ran her hand through his hair. "Stop thinking, and just feel."_

 _Grace moved to straddle him and Spencer had to quickly bite his tongue praying it would stop the thoughts of having her in this position._

 _While caught up in his own thoughts, it took Spencer a few minutes to even register that Grace was kissing him again. And that he was returning it._

 _His hands twitched to push her away but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was too busy_ feeling _._

 _Spencer found himself pulling her_ against _him instead of away. A whimper came from Grace as he put more force into the kiss. A shiver ran through him when the kiss went deeper and a low moan escaped her lips when he had lifted his hips against her without noticing his actions._

Spencer finally gave up on trying to read his book as it all started hitting him at once. He leaned back against his couch. His hands curling into fists around the seat cushions of the couch.

 _He wasn't sure how many more nights had went past full of kisses that were slowly turning into more. He barely found himself thinking of the team, of getting found and getting away from here. It made him anxious. Except for when Grace was around. All his thoughts especially the thoughts of_ wrong _didn't register anymore._

 _When Grace walked into the room that night, he knew. He took in the small silk robe she was wearing as she locked the door. Something she had never done before._

 _Spencer watched her closely as she walked towards him, a nervous air surrounding her._

" _Grace.." He swallowed as she started untying the robe._

 _Spencer bit his tongue hard to keep from groaning when the robe dropped to the floor. She was wearing lingerie that should be a sin in itself for a teenage girl to wear. Spencer forgot to even feel disgusted at himself as the blood in his body rushed south._

 _She was the forbidden fruit and right now she was_ his _._

 _He was so busy staring at her that he barely noticed her reached over and unlocking his chains. The thought of using this as an opportunity to escape didn't even cross his mind._

 _Instead he wasted no time in pulling her down finally switching their positions. It was his turn to be the one on top. Grace gasped in shock when her back hit the bed. Spencer stared at the girl underneath him, he had_ never _wanted anyone this badly before._

" _Please Spencer, Please." She practically begged._

With a choked sound, Spencer finally came back to the present. He ran for the bathroom. God he needed a cold shower.

As he stood under the spray of the water, Spencer let his mind wander once more. There had been more nights like that first night, they had both explored each other in more ways than one. But it wasn't just the nights. Grace had started spending time with him during the day, they did everything from talking about little things to playing chess to talking about their hopes and dreams. Eventually they had even let him leave the room and do as he pleased in their house. He never thought of leaving. Spencer knew he must have had some form of stockholm syndrome or something like it, but there was something _more_ that seemed to be keeping him there.

Eventually it had to end. Eventually the team had found him. Hannah had been returning from the store when she had seen them driving towards the house, but even with them speeding Hannah still got there first knowing shortcuts that led to the house quicker.

Hannah had a plan already set in place. Spencer had watched as mother and daughter shared a quick but tearful goodbye.

Spencer could still hear Grace's whispered _'I love you'_ before she was out the door.

By the time the team arrived guns raised, the place was practically covered in gasoline to make sure all evidence of Grace would be gone. Hannah had made sure his team had no choice but to shoot her, her fall triggering the placements she had in play to start the fire. She had made sure not to cover around the front door with gasoline, making sure that the team and Spencer still had a quick and safe getaway.

Over the next couple of days Spencer had learned he'd been gone for almost 5 months to his shock. The team had caught a lucky break. He learned that what Hannah and Grace had told him was true. According to records, Hannah Allaway's daughter Grace had died so the team had no reason to look for her. They had no reason to look for the girl named Grace Reagan.

For a time Spencer had even found himself mourning Hannah.

Much to his relief, two months later Spencer found himself feeling more clear then he had in the past 4 years. His emotions were finally letting him breathe.

A knock sounded at his door.

Spencer found himself frozen in shock when he realized who was standing there smiling at him.

At 20 years old she was even more beautiful.

"Grace." He breathed out.

He was too busy staring at her wide eyed to even fight her as she pushed him back in his apartment following him in so she could shut the door.

Spencer lifted his hand and ran his thumb down her cheek. He had to make sure she was real.

"I'm really here, Spencer." She said with a giggle.

 _Her voice_. Was it possibly for someone to actually sound like an angel? He couldn't help but wonder.

"How- I-"

Her eyes twinkled in amusement. "I'll answer all your questions if you do me one favor."

Spencer gaped at her but nodded.

"Kiss me."

She had barely got the words out before he had smashed his lips against hers with so much force her back hit the door.

All thoughts and feelings he had of disgust, guilt, anxiety, and any other negative thing disappeared as her legs wrapped around his waist.

Later that night Spencer found himself tracing patterns against her back as she lay on his chest.

"Stay here. With me." Spencer said softly. "I don't care if it blows up in my face, I just…"

Grace lifted her head and smiled at him sadly. "I might be toxic for you. Me being in your life might ruin everything you've worked hard for."

He pulled her closer. "I don't care anymore. Now that I have you here...I'm not letting you leave again."

Grace made a happy humming noise that had him chuckling.

"At least i'm legal now, eh?"

Spencer shot up and stared at her wide eyed. _What the_.

Grace had slowly started chuckling. He couldn't help but stare at her his eyes still wide but soon her chuckles turned to full blown laughter.

He could only shake his head at her in disbelief.

"You're insane." He informed her.

Her eyes twinkled.

"That's okay." She giggled. "'Cause you're right there with me."

Spencer shook his head at her fondly.

"Weird girl." He mumbled under his breath.

Silence filled the air as Spencer went back to tracing patterns against her back.

"I want coffee."

Before he could even blink, Grace had stolen his shirt and ran out of his room.

"It's 3am!" Spencer shouted out to her.

"Coffee knows no time!"

Spencer dropped back down on the bed with a laugh.

 **A/N: Please no murdering me? :)**


End file.
